first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
