You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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