Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
