Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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