Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
