I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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