last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
