dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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