There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
