get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
