he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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