theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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