This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
