The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
