Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
