Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
