I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
