Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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