whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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