she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
