this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
