OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
