That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
