I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
