So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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