my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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