NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
