i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
