Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
