I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
