I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
