also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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