The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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