as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
