You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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