Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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