Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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