I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
