im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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