I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
