You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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