I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
