Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
