Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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