Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we're so committed to being not committed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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