I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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