I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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