My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
