is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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