Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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