the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
