I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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