Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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